And your fortune is...

I am such a sucker for fortunes!  I know that might not be the most Christian thing - but I love getting the fortunes out of the cookies!  Tonight's reads were so appropriate that I thought I would not only squirrel them away in my journal - but also blog them here!

1.  You will have many friends when you need them.

2.  You will hear pleasant news.

3.  You will be successful in a business of your own.

4.  You can expect a change for the better in job or status in the future.

Yay!

A Week Later...

One week after the punch in the gut - I'm still unemployed.  I didn't think that it would happen in a week - I didn't think I would find anything that quickly.  But I thought I might get a few phone calls or something.  I've put in about 10 applications to all the good places.  Now this week I will be lowering my standards and increasing my driving radius.  Fun fun.  But it could be worse.  I could be the one that people are using as a scape goat for all of their problems... well that's probably coming.  But really what do I care?  I didn't try to leave on good terms - I mean I tried but wasn't allowed to really.  The bridge is burnt, so to speak, so why worry about their opinion of me now?  My friends know me and know what happened and the rest is pointless.

Ouch...

Painful weekend for me.  I went from one side of the emotional spectrum to the other.  When I woke this morning, I wasn't sure what today would hold - but now that I know I'm ready to move on.  What a roller coaster ride.  It still hurts like crap, but I'm beginning to feel like it's going to be OK.  I had toyed with this idea anyway, but in all of those scenarios - I was in control.  In those daydreams my kids weren't looking at me like this.  My husband wasn't having to pick up the puddle that was me this weekend.  My parents weren't having to reassure me that I'm not a bad person.  It's funny how the loss of control means so much to your self-esteem and your mental health.  I had no idea I had this kind of attachment to my own destiny.  Anyway - I'm feeling reassured... a little more solid... and a lot of love from those around me who care.  I even feel connected to God in a new way.  

Who designs this crap...

Warning: These images may shock you. This is the crap they expect us "full-figured" gals to wear. Who designs this? Is there a group of popular kids - like the jocks and cheerleaders - in a room somewhere snickering and giggling as they devise new ways to humiliate us? Isn't it enough that we have to buy things labeled "plus"? Plus what exactly? The worst part is the prices - all of these are over $100 each and that Popeye jacket is $200! Anyway... That's the crap we deal with. Feel sorry for us!

You're my anti-drug...

Today at McDonalds in Yucaipa, the cashier was a very nice young lady with little to no bad attitude.  She was polite enough and took my order without incident.  However, when I paid, I noticed that she was wearing an interesting bracelet that had some odd design on each of the dime-sized beads that went all the way around it.  Upon closer inspection, I found that the design was a pot leaf.  At first, I was kind of shocked.  After all - she is on the job.  Then the mother in me wanted to tattle on her - what if my children were with me and saw that.  Sure, they wouldn't have a clue what it was or why it would be wrong to wear that on the job.  But still - it's the principle of the thing.  Then the mother in me, also wanted to talk to the girl and tell her that pot leaves weren't going to get her anywhere in life - trust me!  But then I realized that her little display was probably a pretty descent anti-drug campaign for those customers who figured it out.  After all - she is working at McD's.  So cashier at McD's wearing the obvious pot leaves so proudly on your wrist - today you are my anti-drug!

Happy Emo Day...

Father's Day is tomorrow.  I can't help but think of my dad on this day.  I can't help but wonder how things would be if I had been the better person and made more of an effort with him.  I made it through the anniversary of his death without any incidents, but for some reason I'm really feeling this Father's Day.  I think it's because I'm unhappy in other areas of life.  It's easy to lump this in and just wallow.  And Lord knows I have tons of good wallowing tracks on my itunes.  I'm walking that fine emo line these days.  I've got to bounce back before people get sick of me.  Maybe I'll send in a postsecret that lays out exactly how I'm feeling so it can be real... yeah - that won't be emo at all!

Dreamy...

I'm wondering what it says about me that I dream so vividly.  I have at least two dreams a night - that I can remember.  And they are typically something very emotional.  I think I have issues.  But who doesn't.

Heaven is a wonderful place - and it's mine all mine...

Christian and I were just reading the Bible together and sharing some deep thoughts when the topic of Heaven came up.  He asked me a few standard questions about sleeping and eating and the like, which led to more questions like the ever-popular, "Will there be video games in Heaven?"  Eventually our deep and meaningful conversation morphed into his distorted and hilarious impression of me in Heaven.  Apparently I will be hoarding green ipods and cameras, all while driving my free green limo and eating all the chocolate and mac n cheese I can get my grubby little hands on.  Awesome.  It sounds like the Disney version of "Grand Theft Auto"... rated L for Lame!  I'm so glad that the Lord is using me to reach this young inquisitive mind.  Oh and if you're curious - Cassidy will have all the baby dolls and My Little Ponies in Heaven - in case you're looking for one.

Don't drink the koolaid...

So a certain friend of mine loves to use this catchy little phrase a lot... "don't drink the koolaid."  I love it - so I've adopted it as my own.  I had the chance the use it today on my brother.  Apparently my mother found an ad in the paper asking for extras to come out to Victorville to audition for a part in a military movie.  She thought my brother would be perfect, so they went.  The casting director agreed with my mother and now Jimmy will be filming in a few weeks out in Victorville.  He is playing the part of a nazi soldier during WWII in the forth coming movie Valkyrie.  That was reason 1 for the koolaid comment.  The second reason is that the movie stars Tom Cruise as the lead.  I don't imagine Jimmy will have much chance to interact with the star however since Jimmy is way over 6 feet so I doubt they will stage them close together.