Ouch...

Painful weekend for me.  I went from one side of the emotional spectrum to the other.  When I woke this morning, I wasn't sure what today would hold - but now that I know I'm ready to move on.  What a roller coaster ride.  It still hurts like crap, but I'm beginning to feel like it's going to be OK.  I had toyed with this idea anyway, but in all of those scenarios - I was in control.  In those daydreams my kids weren't looking at me like this.  My husband wasn't having to pick up the puddle that was me this weekend.  My parents weren't having to reassure me that I'm not a bad person.  It's funny how the loss of control means so much to your self-esteem and your mental health.  I had no idea I had this kind of attachment to my own destiny.  Anyway - I'm feeling reassured... a little more solid... and a lot of love from those around me who care.  I even feel connected to God in a new way.